bossy boots

I am a firm believer in language and the power that words have in our lives. Whether it is the words that we speak to ourselves, the ones we use to address others or the ones we read or hear, words surround us all the time. And as such, we need to use them well. It seems that today, the word of the day is "BOSSY", thanks in part to a new campaign from the Sherly Sandberg "Lean-in" crowd and the folks from Girl Scouts of America. Their new #BanBossy campaign is aimed at, well... just that, banning the word "bossy" from conversations, especially those about and around assertive, confident girls and women. In an article for the Wall Street Journal, Ms. Sandberg and Anna Maria Chavez, CEO of Girl Scouts of USA discuss the new campaign:

"Behind the negative connotations lie deep-rooted stereotypes about gender. Boys are expected to be assertive, confident and opinionated, while girls should be kind, nurturing and compassionate. When a little boy takes charge in class or on the playground, nobody is surprised or offended. We expect him to lead. But when a little girl does the same, she is often criticized and disliked.

How are we supposed to level the playing field for girls and women if we discourage the very traits that get them there?"

I completely understand the intent of this campaign and the message that it hopes to spread, I am just not sure of the wording of it all. Now, maybe this has something to do with my general dislike of the whole 'lean-in' phenomenon (I don't believe leaning in to a man's world makes things more equal on any level) or perhaps it is the very privileged heights that this type of preaching is coming from, but there is something about this #banbossy campaign that is not sitting well with me.

Maybe it is because I am a bossy woman.  I was a bossy kid (I am the oldest of four-hello, birth order traits!), and I guess that bossiness just kind of stuck. I like to think that I am a do-er, I see things that need doing and when no one else is stepping  up, I do and then, I just kind of naturally take charge. True story - the first time I met my then boyfriend/now husband's friends from undergrad was at an outdoor wedding in a beautiful park in downtown Vancouver. It had rained the night before and the area for the ceremony was right beside a pond and the natural habitat of about 50 Canada geese. It was literally covered in wet stinky goose poop. While everyone was lamenting about how awful the situation was, I recruited the groomsmen, the ushers and a few others and in half an hour we had cleared a path and the area for the ceremony of all traces of the stinky little poop landmines and marked it out with white balloons tied to trees. I suppose to some that may have seemed bossy, but to the bride and groom and their guests, I like to think not having goose poop all over their wedding finery was more important that day than whether or not their buddy's new girlfriend was a bossy boots.

Danielle Henderson over at The Stranger wrote a response to the #banbossy campaign and I tend to agree with her on this one.

We should be telling girls to own the living shit out of bossiness. Instead of casting it as a pejorative, we should be reifying the idea that being bossy directly relates to confidence, and teaching girls how to harness that confidence in productive and powerful ways. This isn't a problem of language—the problem is our backwards system that rewards women for silence and compliance, and encouraging them to be less fierce is a supremely fucked up way to counter that. What is this wilting flower, let's-not-say-bad-words approach to empowerment?

And Micheline Maynard at Forbes had this to say:

I’m not sure what’s moved Sandberg to want to ban bossy at this moment in time, but given the nastiness that many women face on a daily basis, being called bossy is the least of our problems.

Women in public life are regularly subject to far more vile and graphic abuse, on message boards, in social media, and in emails. They’re called things that never used to be said in polite society, and still aren’t, by those with manners.

Beyond that, women at all levels of society face discrimination. They face the threat of abuse. Their economic power still sadly trails that of men, despite the efforts by Sandberg and others to increase women’s authority. Those are far greater issues than a word that may or may not be hurtful.

I am still and will likely always be a bossy boots. I speak up when I have something to say, I use my voice to speak (and write) for others when they can not and I tend to just DO what needs to be done. That is the kind of example I want my daughter to see, I want her to know that speaking up is the right thing to do, and that she has every right to be the boss if that is what she wants. And I know that she does see it. When I observe her playing with her friends, she is a leader already, a quiet one at first, feeling her way into the crowd and assessing her situation and then directing play and using her imagination and helping others. It's quite fascinating really and I find myself beaming with "that's my girl" mama-pride when I see this "bossy" side of her showing itself.

The thing is, I doubt Sheryl Sandberg or Anna Maria Chavez got to where they are today without being a little bit bossy. Clear in their ambition and goals, assertive in achieving them and never really listening to the nay-sayers telling them that "no one likes a bossy girl". Again, I find myself taken aback and somewhat insulted by this message that women have to alter our selves and now our language in order to be taken seriously, or to "get a seat at the table", so to speak. When I think of the women whom I respect, I think of bold women, fierce women, women whose spirits are strong and proud. Some are loud, some are quietly powerful and some are downright bossy. Whatever the case, they all get shit DONE!

In the end, I truly believe that this one little word is never going to hold back the power of OUR daughters and I sincerely hope that this new campaign doesn't end up giving it more power and not less.

#beBOSSIER

N~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #18

A funny thing happens when you decide to quit most of your social media outlets for a month. LIFE.

Or at least one that is your own.

Feminist Fare Fridays has been on a bit of a hiatus this month while I readjusted and re-prioritized and reclaimed MY life. In doing so, I have had time to reflect on how I react to issues and people online, how this can negatively {and positively} affect me and what I want to do about all of it.

What I do know, is that I want to continue with Feminist Fare Fridays and this week I am sharing some of the things that have touched me this past month. Some have enlightened me, some made me think about my choices in life, both big and small, and some are just good food for thought for all of us.

Enjoy.

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1. Privilege. It's something that we hear a lot about these days, but is still often a hard concept for people to A) explain and B) understand. Robot Hugs made this lovely little comic strip about 'Managing Privilege' that is, in my opinion, rather brilliant. I think everyone should read it.

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2. I am not a religious person. I believe in God, but over the years, our relationship has become complicated. I grew up in a very Catholic household and Jesus and his teachings were in everything. They are a part of me, even though it is a part I don't talk about a lot.  And never, ever, EVER, in all those years of church going and altar serving and Sunday schooling, did I hear from him or his Father, "Thou shalt not bake for the homosexuals!" In fact, I am pretty sure Jesus probably would have turned some boring unleavened bread into a fabulous rainbow cake, because, you know, he was JESUS! With no intent of getting preachy on you, I thought I would share what Rachel Held Evans has to say about the very strong Christian belief in "religious freedom" and the "threats" to it and what everyone needs to remember about what Jesus did for ALL  people and what he called us to do too.

I've been watching people with golden crosses around their necks and on their lapels shout at the TV about how serving gay and lesbian people is a violation of their “sincerely-held religious beliefs.” 

And I can't help but laugh at the sad irony of it. 

Two-thousand years ago, Jesus hung from that cross, looked out on the people who put him there and said, "Father, forgive them." Jesus served sinners all the way to the cross. 

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3. This weekend is Oscar weekend and I have seen NONE of the films in the Best Picture category and THREE of the five in the Best Animated Film category.This qualifies as a "You know you are a mom when..." moment and I'm gonna go with Frozen as my pick for that one. As for the Best Picture category, all I really hope is that Wolf of Wall Street does not win. No, I have not seen the movie, I don't need to see it to know the kind of utter devastation Jordan Belfort wreaked on people's lives. The movie seems like a celebration, not a condemnation of Belfort's behaviour and Tom Watson ponders the question for the Ms. Magazine blog; "Is a vote for Leo's "Wolf" a vote for sexism?" I can't help but think that yes, yes it is.

"Wolf’s traders are rank misogynists, bullying homophobes, extroverted sexists, violent buyers and sellers of human favors. “Has he made a movie that, on some level, is an apologia for the Jordan Belforts of the world because, deep down, and maybe more than he can admit, Scorsese admires their amoral macho recklessness?”

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4. When was the last time someone gave you a compliment and you simply looked them in the eye and said "Thank you"?  It's tough right? How often do you instead, say something along the lines of "Oh, this old thing?" when someone tells you they like your shirt or "I didn't do a thing to it today" when someone comments on how great your hair looks. I know I do this ALL. THE. TIME. Michelle Cove writing for Blogher tells us why learning to accept a compliment is an important lesson to teach our daughters {and ourselves}:

The bottom line is, what we say about ourselves matters. It affects how we think about our essential worth, and how we make choices. Being able to accept praise expresses to the world that we understand our value. If we can't learn how to identify and own our strengths, privately and publicly, we can't possibly reach our full potential, whether it's personal, professional or otherwise.

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5. March 8th, 2014 is International Women's Day. I will be celebrating women around the world by watching the documentary film Girl Rising and then listening to the incredible Laverne Cox {yes, THAT Laverne Cox from OITNB!!). I can't think of a better way to spend that day! If you want to join me for either of these events in Edmonton, please comment on my "The Value of a Girl" post to win tickets to Girl Rising or check out the Facebook event pages for Girl Rising Edmonton or the Laverne Cox presentation sponsored by the University of Alberta's Gender Based Violence Prevention Project.

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Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Stay warm Prairie folks. :/

natasha~

the value of a girl

Last night I registered my 5 yr old girl for soccer. I registered her brother too, but for now let's just think about her. She started Kindergarten this past September. Five days a week, for half a day, she is at school, learning, playing, having a healthy snack,and doing a whole lot of other things with a classroom of other girls and boys.  Where we live, school is not a get to do thing, it is a must do thing for all children, whether you do so in the public school system, at a private school or through homeschooling or another alternative learning program. School for our kids, for our girls, is simply a given in our lives.

This is not the case in a lot of other parts of our world. I know that you know this, but think for a minute about your own daughter at 5 or 6 years old and then, instead of sending her to school, think about sending her out to walk MILES every day to get clean water for your family. Think about arranging a marriage for your 11 or 13 year old daughter. Think about there being no time for school in your daughter's day because she is a bonded servant (fancy name for slave) for your rich neighbours. It's all rather unthinkable right?

And yet for many, MANY girls in our world, this is their reality. For millions of girls the world over, education is a privilege - often a hard fought one (think Malala) - not a right. Girls around the world face barriers to education that boys do not. Barriers such as early marriage, gender-based violence, domestic slavery and sex-trafficking. Removing these barriers not only means a better life for these girls, it means a safer and more prosperous world for all. And the solution to removing them is simple: educate girls.

Educated girls stand up for their rights, marry and have children later, educate their own children, and their families and communities thrive. Educating girls can break cycles of poverty in just one generation.

GirlRising is a global campaign for girls education. It is a documentary film, it's a movement, it's a powerful teaching tool and it's a call to action for policy makers and educators and change-makers and regular everyday people the world over. GirlRising's mission is to change the way the world values a girl. ALL girls.

The powerful Girl Rising documentary is a feature film about nine girls across the world demonstrating inspiring strength and spirit and who are all fighting in various ways for their voices to be heard, for their education and for a better life for all girls.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/BJsvklXhYaE[/youtube]

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Join me and Girl Rising Edmonton on International Women's Day, Saturday, March 8th, 2014 for a special screening of this powerful documentary. Details and tickets can be found here. 

For two of you, I have a t-shirt and 2 ticket combo prize to give away! Comment below and let me know what Girl Rising and educating girls means to you! Winners will be chosen at random on March 5th, 2014.

Because...

Rise up les filles!

Natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #13

...took a little break last week.

I apologize, I think it must have been all of the shovelling that I had to do thanks to an early Alberta Snowmageddon! I was TUCKERED out all week long. On top of the snow, I had an on again, off again stomach flu-y, sick kid, which is why, parents of the world, I can not stress enough how important it is to tech your kids how to use a puke bucket EARLY in life!

On that note, here is a little bit of what the femisphere has spit out in the past week or so...

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1. Girls like to build things. Last week (and just in time for holiday shopping) the Goldieblox video was everywhere! Amidst all the RA! RA! GIRL POWER!! posts, there were some that brought up deeper issues regarding gendered toy marketing and girls in STEM and it is these reasons that are part of  why, while I like the product and the idea behind it, I am still somewhat disillusioned by the flaxen-haired, perfect little Goldie who is the one doing the building. Seems I am not the only one not buying into the hype of this toy and a lot of kids are just not that into it. Not only that, but this week, we learned that the marketing team used the music from the Beastie Boys song "Girls" without permission for the commercial that sparked all this discussion and is now in a legal battle with the band. Either way this goes, I don't think we'll be getting a Goldieblox at the SAHF house - we build lots with Lego and blocks and whatever else the kids find that works around here. And like one parent commented about the toy,

"...it is very unlikely that we will be able to buy our way to equality." 

2. #FeministSelfies. Last week the folks at Oxford Dictionary unveiled that "SELFIE" was the 2013 world of the year. And then the fine folks at Jezebel, decided to publish a post examining the phenomenon and the writer concluded that selfies are an insecure lady's cry for help!  {Insert collective internet eye-roll here.} And then insert totally awesome #FeministSelfies here.... 'cause when someone writes something particularly asinine on the internet, we feminist types like to respond with a hashtag (thanks to @thewayoftheid and @convergecollide for this one) and TAKE OVER the interwebs! I added my own particular "cry for help" and posted 13 (THIRTEEN!) selfies. We are all beautiful people and it's more than OK to celebrate that! Or to just be silly and post funny faces on the internet --- because we can!

3. How to be a good feminist. This infuriating debate is ever ongoing. Women live in a damned if you do, damned if you don't world and the only common denominator seems to just BE DAMNED! I read Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett's "I'm a half-arsed, accidental feminist.." article in The Guardian this week and while I don't agree with her "Who has time for all of this, it's just all TOO HARD!" kind of thinking, I understand her frustrations with the feminist movement.

"The constant litany of "you're doing it wrong" is dispiriting.

It's been a huge struggle coming into this movement as a young woman. All the ideological quibbling at that debate, for example, meant that such topics as sexual and domestic violence and the pay gap went undiscussed, as they are going undiscussed here now again. I fear sometimes that feminism will never have any mass appeal. There are some people who I truly believe don't want to share it. Because it is a movement centred around oppression, there are a lot of angry people involved in it. I am not saying that that anger is not righteous. I became more interested in feminism myself after I was attacked by a man. But such anger can be alienating.

The in-fighting and the vitriol are turnoffs to a new generation."

4. Michelle Obama was called a "feminist nightmare" this week and I had coffee with a friend yesterday who has a hard time telling people that she is a full-time Stay-at-Home Mom. Both of these occurrences have lit my brain on fire and as such, they deserve a whole post all on their own. Stay tuned folks, I'll address these issues and some of #3 as well. It's coming soon and it may not be pretty....

In the mean time...

Have a wonderful weekend everyone. And Happy Chanukah-Thanksgiving-Thanksgivukah to all those celebrating family and friends and love and light!

Cheers,

natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #12

I can't believe it is Friday already! Short weeks confuse me. As do a lot of other rather simple things, but that is a post for another day...  Let's get on with this weeks dose of Feminist Fare!

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1. I am a child of the 80's and 90's. I grew up listening to records of ABBA and Pat Benatar and mix tapes recorded off the radio and then watching the corresponding music videos via Video Hits and Good Rockin' Tonight on our three-channel television after school. I have always been a fan of the music video genre and spent most of a day a few weeks ago introducing my 7 year old to the wonders of Michael Jackson's music and epic 15 minute long videos (Thriller was his favourite).

These days it's more difficult to find music videos that my kids can watch without me having to answer questions like: "Mom, why are they being so inappropriate?" or "Mom, I can totally see her bum in that outfit." or "Mom, why is she licking that hammer?" or "Mom, why does that guy keep grabbing his crotch?" (although to be fair, I got this one with all of MJ's videos too).

Why all the video talk? Because this week, Lily Allen came back to the music scene (after a babies-making hiatus) with her new single "Hard Out Here" and its video release. I first noticed it on Twitter being touted (tweeted) as "a fabulous feminist take-down of all things sexist in pop music these days". So of course I clicked on the link and watched the video. I tweeted that link once and left it at that for the night... I was having mixed feelings about the video and I couldn't quiet get to that place of  "RA-RA FEMINISTS RULE!" that some on the internet were going on and on about.

Something about it just wasn't sitting well with me...

I woke up the next morning and read this post from We Geeked This and then it all solidified in my brain. The video didn't actually take down the racist parts of pop culture and I realized that you can't satirize something like objectification of Women of Colour with simply MORE objectification of said women.

"What if we looked at Lilly Allen’s video and instead of saying,

“it IS ‘Feminism’ because she is fighting ‘The Patriarchy’ and that’s the only thing that matters!”

We said,

“I wish she hadn’t perpetuated the oppression of WoC in her attempts to express her own feminist sentiments”?

I’m not talking about a master feminist plan, I’m not asking Lilly Allen for one, but I am trying to hold her accountable–because I do believe she is a feminist and therefore is interested in fighting women’s oppression in myriad forms–for what she has produced, both good and bad."

Much more has been said and written about Ms. Allen and her new video and I highly recommend you read both Jessica Wakeman's piece from The Frisky and also Black In Asia's in depth analysis of the video as well. MUCH food for thought with this one.

Now... back to finding music videos to show my children. Ones that don't perpetuate these sexist OR racist stereotypes. Wish me luck!

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2. We don't need feminism anymore. Stop it already, ladies, you can vote now, you've won! Feminism is hurting all the menfolk! And now...

"...feminism elevates women at the expense of men"  "... its agenda to validate women emasculates us guys".

This is the first line of a post by Micah J. Murray at redemptionpictures.com. Now GO and read the rest of his post. (And for the first time EVER, I want you to read the comments-at least the first few. They are PRICELESS!)

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3. And because sometimes, the internet is a really, really wonderful place and it is for those moments of pure awesome that I stick around, I give you #BATKID! And all the amazing and awesome people in San Fransisco (AKA Gotham City) who are making his Make-a-Wish dream come true today!

Follow along on the ABC News livestream to feel ALL THE FEELINGS today (and have some tissues handy!)

nananana-nananana BATKID!!! 

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Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

Natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #11

I just want to say it. AGAIN. I really do not like Daylight Savings Time. Why must we still have this in our world? Why can't we just do this?  Parents all over North America would get on board with this. I guarantee it! And I wouldn't have felt so damn tired all week, barely able to read anything, let alone write (which I had intended to do, what with it being #NaBloPoMo and all.) As you can see though, all was not totally lost to DST and the internet did not disappoint this week with it's juicy selection of feminist fare!

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1. It is not even the end of the first week of November and it is that time of year. ALREADY!! Christmas decorations are all over the malls, the box sets of gifts are out at all the stores and kids all over North America will soon be combing through the famous Christmas Wish Books. And if  you happen to have a boy who loves to cook, or who sees his dad taking care of his baby sister and wants to be just like him, or a girl who wants to be a crane operator, we can only hope that this is the year that toy manufacturers get with the program and stop the BIG GENDER DIVIDE that does no one any good.  Because although we hear about the incredible marketing that is targeted at our impressionable daughters on the pink and girly side of the toy store, we tend to forget about or are not as aware of the bigger and more insidious marketing that is actually happening to our boys. Joanne at Let Toys be Toys takes a closer look at this phenomenon and how toy manufacturers and marketers continue to paint our children into very two-dimensional caricatures of what it means to be male and female.

Judging by the comments that flood the Internet every time a well-meaning parent dresses their son in a tutu, it would appear that what we fear most is that any boy allowed to indulge in a traditionally girly pursuit will become, yes you’ve guessed it, gay! Aside from the obvious retorts of “So what? ” and “Kindly take your homophobia elsewhere!”, it does beg the observation that if heterosexual masculinity can be so easily steered astray by a bit of lippie and dress-up, then it wouldn’t appear to be quite so innate after all. In other words, if being a boy is so natural then stop telling my son how to be one.

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2. And while we are on the subject of society dictating how exactly boys (and girls) should behave, this was sent to me by an old friend and I love it!  I plan on talking to my daughter (and my son for that matter) about her body JUST LIKE THIS...

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.

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3. Yes, yes, I know. I posted a video of Joss Whedon last week talking about why he writes strong women, but the dude just keeps saying the most thought provoking things. What do YOU think about his most recent talk at this year's Equality Now event? Are we done with this word? (If so, does that mean I am going to have to change my blog name... AGAIN!)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDmzlKHuuoI[/youtube]

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4. As you can imagine, I follow/read quite a few awesome feminists online and in recent months have gotten an IMMENSE education about the history of feminism from some amazing feminist women of colour and from a perspective that I didn't know existed. I even wrote a somewhat naive, privileged white woman's "why can't we all just get along" post just a few months ago. And then I learned to shut up and listen. I read the #solidarityisforwhitewomen twitter stream and knew it to be true. So when scrolling through Twitter this past week and seeing the #BlackGirlsRock hashtag and BET awards show, I knew that it was a celebration that had nothing to do with me, but that many of my new online friends where very excited about and therefore I was too. Until some asshats decided to make a "what about the white girls" hashtag to, you know, EVEN things out a bit. Olivia Cole at Huffington Post responded to this despicable hashtag highjacking and I couldn't agree with her more even if I tried!

"...your face is everywhere. Your people are everywhere. What in your heart recoils when you see Black Girls Rock? What bone in your body sees empowerment for black girls and thinks "that's not fair"? Where is your bitterness rooted? What do you think has been taken from you when women of color are uplifted?

All of the things you take for granted are what you're protecting when you shout down Black Girls Rock: your whiteness, the system that upholds your face as the supreme standard of beauty, your place in the center of a culture that demands people of color remain hidden in the margins, present but only barely and never overshadowing the white hero/heroine. Your discomfort with black girls who rock tells me that you prefer the status quo: you prefer for black faces to remain hidden..."

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5. And finally, I love Google. I really do. Ask it anything and BAM! Your answer is there. Often Google autofills in your questions/queries for you... (based on lists of previously typed queries from other Google users). For the most part this is a good thing. Until it really isn't...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/4SvePcldZgY[/youtube]

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So much farther to go... so much more to fight for.

Have a great weekend everyone!

natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #10

Halloween is done, my husband came home yesterday to end my solo-parenting stint, birthday presents are bought and wrapped for this weekend's party (there is seriously one a week for us in Oct/Nov/Dec!) and I am finally sitting down today to write the weekly Feminist Fare round up. So while I know it is late on a Friday night, here are the posts and videos that caught my eye this past week.

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1. In case you don't know this already. I am a HUGE Buffy The Vampire Slayer fan. I own the box set of the series and named my dog after Willow. And while I loved the Buffy-Angel relationship, my true love of the show was the darker Buffy-Spike dynamic. It spoke to the bad-boy lover in me. I could go on and on and on here... but, let me actually get to my point... and that is, that I think Joss Whedon is a genius. Buffy, Angel, Firefly, Serenity... this man writes kick-ass stuff people (and a lot of it involves really strong female characters), and it seems that whenever he is on a press junket, reporters have one particular question for him. Here are his replies to this much repeated query...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/cYaczoJMRhs[/youtube]

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2. I am not sure how much more "Listen up girlies, don't get drunk so you don't get raped" bullshit I can read anymore. If a dude got so blitzed that he could hardly walk home and then got mugged would anyone be telling him that he deserved it? That he shouldn't have had that last half-dozen beers? Probably not. Add to this the Men's Rights Group claiming that men are just as much victims of false-accusations as women are of rape (or that rape-culture doesn't even exist!) and it is enough to make a girl want to... oh, I don't know, get REALLY, REALLY drunk and forget that this is the world that she lives in and is raising her children in!

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3. And really, on that note. I have nothing better (or worse?) to leave you with than this amazing, painful, powerful, and haunting spoken word poetry...

[youtube]http://youtu.be/zgQRkHcEyq8[/youtube]

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Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Natasha~

Feminist Fare Friday: Edition #8

I am very sorry, it's been two weeks since I've served up some yummy feminist fare for you. As you can imagine, a lot has been going on in the feminist realm and I'll do my best to get myself {and you} up to speed and back on track. This is what happens when a certain 41-year old goes to a blogging conference and stays up carousing until 2 AM for three nights in a row. At my age, it takes exactly 10 days to recover and get one's head out of the fog that those three days created!! But, I did have a REALLY, really good time and you can read all about it here. Now, onto the good stuff.

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1. Last week the internet was all up in arms about a T-shirt.  Granted it was a masturbating, menstruating vagina t-shirt from American Apparel and artist Petra Collins, but still a simple t-shirt none the less. And while I am not about to go out and buy this particular t-shirt, I do get that it is art and art is meant to provoke. And really folks, there are a lot more crazy and WAY more offensive things put on t-shirts these days than a depiction of someone's lady parts. Now, if it wasn't enough that the internet went all bat-shit-crazy on Petra over her t-shirt, her Instagram account was recently deleted as well. Why exactly is still not clear, but Petra herself has some thoughts on why an image of part of her unaltered body (that contains no nudity) may have caused this level of online censorship to occur and it is making me feel very, very angry.

"Through this removal I really felt how strong of a distrust and hate we have towards female bodies. The deletion of my account felt like a physical act, like the public coming at me with a razor, sticking their finger down my throat, forcing me to cover up, forcing me to succumb to societies image of beauty. That these very real pressures we face everyday can turn into literal censorship."

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2. And while we are on the topic of the female body, I came across this powerful poetry reading last night from Lily Myers called "Shrinking Woman".

[youtube]http://youtu.be/zQucWXWXp3k[/youtube]

This piece really gave me pause, especially because I have a daughter and I don't want her to absorb that kind of "accidental inheritance" from me about food, about my body or hers or about how much space women are "allowed" to occupy in this world.

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3. It is that time of year yet again. Halloween. Or as I like to call it at our house, "Hallo-avoid every commercial store and costume EVER because MY 5 YEAR OLD IS NOT SEXY AND SPIDERGIRL DOESN'T WEAR A PINK TUTU-ween". Beth Greenfield at Yahoo Shine examines what kind of messages these over-prettified and hypersexualized costumes send to our children. HINT-not good ones!

“I think it says to girls that everything they do has to fit in one small box—because even if they don’t want to be a princess, the Spider Man costume looks like a princess,” developmental psychologist Christia Spears Brown, author of the forthcoming book “Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue,” tells Yahoo Shine. “It says, ‘Your gender is more important than the costume,’ and ‘Being a girl is the most important thing about you.’” 

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4. Privilege. It's a word we hear a lot these days. Gender privilege, race privilege, socio-ecomonic privilege, it's out there people and for a lot of folks, privilege is a really hard thing to truly grasp. Which when you think about it, is incredibly ironic and sad. I had an interesting experience last week talking to a middle-aged, middle-class white man about women being shamed for breastfeeding in public. Do you know what he said to me? He interrupted me, told me he can't even believe that this is an issue in our day and age and dismissed the problem outright. Here's the thing. I am a white, cis-gendered, middle-class woman. I HAVE privilege up the ying-yang! But not until that very moment when my experiences and that of so many other breastfeeding mothers was so summarily dismissed by someone who has privilege that I do not, did the whole concept of PRIVILEGE come to full fruition in my brain.

In feminism, no talk of privilege can exist without intersectionality coming into play and I know that for some this can seem like some kind of high-level academic feminist balderdash. I assure you it is not and in this incredibly honest piece from Winona Dimeo-Edigar at The Frisky, you will see why it's as fundamental to feminism as the basic premise that "Feminism is the radical idea that women are people".

"...I think a lot of white feminists are like me — our goals and values might be in the right place, but our privilege has insulated us to the need for intersectionality and the diverse concerns of the diverse group of women who make up the modern feminist movement. We want to keep feminism simple to achieve our goals, but we don’t realize that “keeping it simple” often means shutting out voices and experiences that don’t look like ours. If we want to be part of a strong, welcoming sisterhood, we must understand the effects of our privilege."

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5. And finally, it's October, or "Pinktober" according to KFC, the NFL, Chambord, Pilsbury and a whole slew of other brands and retailers cashing in on "raising awareness" for breast cancer and donating a mere pittance of the proceeds from all their pink merchandise to actual cancer research. Cancer is not pretty. It is not pink. It is not about "setting the tatas free" on a ridiculous no-bra day campaign.  It is painful and devastating and life-altering and women young and old are fighting for their lives against this beast. The public needs to see this side of breast cancer and that is what The Scar Project is doing with this striking photography series of young breast cancer survivors shot by fashion photographer David Jay.  It's not easy to look at these photos, but it puts a reality to breast cancer that the general public needs to see before heading out to buy another big pink garbage bin. Please donate directly to your local cancer societies or to any number of organizations that directly help cancer patients and survivors and avoid all the "pinkwashing" of this terrible disease.

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On that note, I wish you all a safe and wonderful weekend!

Peace,

natasha~