Walk the walk and talk the talk...PLEASE!

I am woman, hear me roarIn numbers too big to ignore And I know too much to go back an' pretend 'cause I've heard it all before And I've been down there on the floor No one's ever gonna keep me down again

~ Helen Reddy

I have had this overwhelming feeling in my belly for the last few days. It is part rage, part frustration, and ALL WOMAN!

It stems from the ongoing discussion of the term 'mompreneur' and 'mommy blogger'. And the subsequent conversations that start with I am 'just' a mom, I 'just' run a small business, I 'just' DO everything.

STOP IT!

If there is one thing that makes me feel all stabby and leaves me with an intense need to slap people upside the head, it is this. Women undervaluing themselves in ALL that they do!

Here is the thing. We fight for gender equality, we have been for decades if not centuries, and still it does not exist. Why is that? What is it that keeps us in the role of the 'weaker' sex, the one that does not deserve equal pay for the same job, the ones that are seen as less than their male counter parts in practically every aspect of life?

Now I don't want to get into a big sociological or anthropological debate about feminism and gender roles and all that. What I do want to say is this...

I think WE are the problem.

Yup, I said it.

We are the ones who are putting ourselves down. And if we are constantly doing this to ourselves, how on earth can we expect the rest of the world to see us for what we truly are! And by the way WE ARE AWESOME!

It truly does confuse me as to why we are seen as the weaker sex??!!  Especially as mothers. We birth children, we feed them with our bodies, we work out of the home, we work from the home, we raise our children, sometimes alone, sometimes with a partner. We are working 24 hours a day, all day every day! Can someone please tell me how the heck a 'weak' person could do that? And why is it that we do not SEE just how crazy amazing we really are?

I am not saying that women are better than men (well, OK, yes in some things we are, but that is a different post altogether), but what I am saying is that if anyone is holding us back and continuing to perpetuate the perception of women as weaker or less than, it may be that we are doing it to ourselves and to each other.

We use language and words to describe ourselves that don't leave us a whole lot of room for greatness. I recently read a great post by Aly Pain that she wrote for MOMeo Magazine. In it she states that

"...Just is one of the most pervasive and diminishing words that implies a hierarchical value, one that places moms at the bottom."

And I couldn't agree more!  And she goes on to echo my thoughts that,

"...we can no longer blame society when we feel made second best or lower than others if our own language confirms it."

I am the first to admit that I have been guilty of using this kind of language and descriptors of myself and what I do. But this is changing. And yet even as I write this, the thoughts in my head are, "Oh, geez, don't write this, people are going to think you are full of yourself and that you think you are so great!" And you know what? I AM doing some really great things that I am extremely proud of in my life and I am not ashamed to admit it! My dear friend, Jennifer Banks introduced me to the concept of the Awesome Train and it is one that I am hopping on board whole-heartily.

As women we need to OWN our awesome more. WE need to be the ones who think and KNOW that we are strong, smart, and savvy in all aspects of our  lives and that we are not going to be seen as less than anyone or anything EVER again!

Will some people's feathers get ruffled by this kind of attitude? Likely. Whatever!  It is high time that we stop our self-deprecating language and thought habits and let the chips fall where they may! And as hard as this may be to swallow, not everyone has to or will like you or what you say and do and you do not have to like everyone around you too. Radical I know, but trust me ladies, a weight off your shoulders when you realize this.

Another good friend tweeted last night that "It's not always easy doing it all". And she is right! It is not easy being a mom, a business owner, a wife and all the other hats we wear on a daily basis.  No one ever said it would be. Yet we all willingly signed up for this gig.

Be what you are Mamas. Be strong, be smart, be AMAZING....and while you are out there walking the walk, talk the talk too and....

...Let me hear you ROAR!!

Natasha~

Here we go again....with the MOM-ifying!

Every few months this conversation gets going on Twitter and EVERYONE has something to say about it. You know the one.

Goes something like this.

A MOM-preneur and a MOMMY  blogger walk into a bar..... ('cause we are allowed to go out you know!!)

...cute guy hits on said MOM-preneur and asks what she does for a living.

What do you think she says?

I am pretty darn sure that nowhere in that conversation is she going to mention the word MOMpreneur to said cute guy. I can guarantee that it would be more along the lines of, "I run my own e-commerce site, I am a professional writer, I am a jewelery/fashion designer. I am an ENTREPRENEUR!"

I admit that this whole "mompreneur" topic is a total hot button for me and this morning I crashed a twitter convo that @MOMMagRocks, @Chris_Eh_Young and@Modern_Mama where having about it. I personally do not like the terminology and the MOM-ifying of everything related to women in business who also happen to be moms and said as much. To which Connie replied:

And she is not wrong.

I come from a corporate sales and marketing background and have worked in retail and pharmaceutical sales for most of my adult life. I admit that I never had any aspirations to become an entrepreneur before I had my children. Having them and then being at home with them became a priority for our family, one that we did not quite anticipate. So yes, I left a very lucrative position, a nice salary, a company car and multiple other career perks for life as a stay-at-home mom. (And just so you know, I would do it again in a heartbeat!)

But I soon realized that part of me was not being fulfilled. Part of me needed to take what I was doing and what mattered most to me (being a Mama), combine it with what I was VERY good at (sales and marketing) and come up with a fabulous business idea.

I would like to tell you that it was as easy as that and POOF! my business came to be and was an instant success. But that is not quite the true nature of entrepreneurialism (sheesh, try to say that 5 times fast)! And it is simply not true.

The Webster's Dictionary definition of an entrepreneur is this:

: one who organizes, manages, and assumes the risks of a business or enterprise

(and FYI--the word mompreneur is NOT in the Webster's dictionary)

Well, this enterprise that I organize and manage has been one heck of an adventure let me tell you! There have been plenty of risks. Some have been worth it, others have cost me a lot of time and money and heartache. I have learned lessons the hard way and found incredible mentors along the way too. My business has grown and evolved tremendously in the three and a half years since it was founded. As have I, both as an entrepreneur and as a mom.

My point about the whole terminology is this. I truly feel that melding the two together demeans both roles. Perhaps not in the eyes of the #proudmompreneurs out there, and trust me, there are quite a few of them on Twitter tonight, but in the eye of the general public, the mainstream media, and the people who are not in the inner circles of the "mompreneur" world. And I think we have to remember that these people are often our target audience or potential customers and in business, perception is very much reality!

I was reminded on two separate occasions this week about something that I think is very important. At least it is for me at this very moment. Often in our lives, whether it is personal or professional, we can get caught up in our own drama, our own little worlds and our own social or professional circles. And in doing so I believe that we limit our potential. Our potential for growth, our potential for success and our potential for new and even bigger opportunities.

And this is what I believe the term "mompreneur", and even to a degree "mommy blogger", does to us. It limits us! We get pigeonholed into this neat little category that actually fails to represent the complexities of who and what we truly are!

And I know A LOT of amazing women who are incredible entrepreneurs, and also quite amazing moms to boot! The last thing I would want to see is these women not realizing their full and true potential because of a couple of silly words!

I'd love to hear what your thoughts are on this recurring topic, whether or not you are an entrepreneur or a mom!

Cheers all,

Natasha~

Check out these other posts from some smart ladies on this topic:

There is no MOM is WOMAN... By Dee Brun, AKA @CocktailDeeva

Watch your Language, Ladies.  By @Kiri_W at Bloggin and Tonic

Reflections of a "Mompreneur". By @zita_dulock of Ignite Strategic Solutions

making a house a home for those who truly need it

A few weeks ago I got a tweet from a wonderful lady asking for 15 minutes of my time. Little did I know what those 15 minutes were about to turn into!!

I called her back and we chatted and she told me about her project, her vision, what she was trying to do and that of all people, I was one of the first ones she thought about for this project (I was very honored!)

I am of course talking about the wonderful Kristi Hammond and the amazing new project she has founded called Local4Local4Local in support of The Ronald McDonald House of Northern Alberta.

So what exactly IS this Local4Local4Local project all about?

From the website:

The Local4Local4Local concept was born very organically. The Ronald McDonald House ™ tweeted out in May that they hadn't anybody signed up for their 'Home for Dinner' Program for the month of June. Founder of Local4Local4Local, Kristi Hammond, received the tweet, researched the program, and saw a valid way to get involved.

The idea grew out of a desire to be involved more than just once or twice per year, while still being able to afford the costs of purchasing food in quantities to feed 50 people for dinner. She thought that if a group of businesses banded together to provide more frequent meals, the share of cost and time would be manageable.

From there, the concept grew to supporting local businesses by purchasing all food for the dinners (as much as possible from local vendors) in order to provide stability to our local economy.

The 'Home for Dinner' program is a wonderful program that the house offers its families. Many of whom spend more hours than most of us work per day at the hospital, in appointments and watching their children getting various treatments and procedures done. And often the last thing on their minds when they finally make it back to the house is cooking a meal. This is where the volunteers come in. Different groups come in throughout the month and will supply all the food and make a fabulous homecooked meal for the WHOLE HOUSE! And for some of the families the impact that this has is immense.

Last week our Local4Local4Local team of over 20 different Edmonton and area businesses got our first look at The Ronald McDonald House and all that it does for the families that stay there!  Trust me, this is no ordinary house by any means, and I highly recommend that you take some time out of your schedule to go for a tour and check it out.

The house itself is HUGE! It has 30 full suites that operate at about a 99% capacity all year round! So far this year they have had to turn away at least 50 families and set them up in hotels because there is just not enough room. And as the Edmonton hospitals continue to expand, becoming leading centres of excellence and attracting more amazing pediatric specialists, the needs for the house and it's services will too.

There are families that stay at the house for a few days, some a few weeks and some that are there for months at a time. It truly is a home for these families and one that tries very hard to maintain that sense of connection and homey-ness for everyone.

I was moved to tears that night on more than one occasion and for good reason.

There are two incredible rooms at the house that every kid gets to visit. The first is The Quilt Room. This room is wall to wall shelves of handmade and donated blankets and quilts that every child gets to visit when they first arrive at the house. They can choose any one they want, and it is theirs to keep, for comfort, for warmth, to remember or to forget and mainly just to cuddle up in. Every single one of these blankets is donated by local volunteers and quilting/sewing/knitting groups and it is amazing to see!

The other very special room is aptly named "The Magic Room"! And any room that looks like this when you first walk into it, just has to be magical....

Inside the Magic Room, through a special doorway is a room FULL of every kind of toy or game that a kid would want. 100% donated and 100% awesome! And every kid that has a successful surgery or course of treatment or is ending their stay at the house gets to go into the room and choose their very own special toy or game or trinket or whatever they want to celebrate this milestone! There are some pretty special stories that go along with this room, just ask any of the highly dedicated and amazing staff at the house and they will gladly share!

After our tour of the house we all had a chance to hang out and have a little mixer in the HUMOUNGOUS kitchen and dining area. Kristi asked us each to introduce ourselves, our businesses and why we decided to be a part of the Local4Local4Local project. We all come from diverse backgrounds and all had different reasons for being involved and it was so great to hear about who they all are and what being involved with this project means to them.

When it came to me, well, I could barely get 5 words out of my mouth before I started crying (this should not surprise some of you who know me). You see, I kind of know what it is like having a child in hospital. My oldest was a 3.5 pound preemie and spent just over 2 weeks in the Royal Alexandra Hospital NICU when he was born, and as his mommy, I spent just about the same amount of time there as well. I had family and friends nearby who fed us, who brought dinners to the hospital, who made sure that my husband and I had what we needed to keep ourselves going during this time. It was good to know that we had that support and that help was never far away. So for me, thinking of these families, and quite a few of them happen to be ones with NICU babies, and of them being far away from their circles of support and extended families for far more than a few weeks....well, it was just too much for my brain and my tear ducts to handle.

And THIS is also the very reason that I am involved with the Local4Local4Local project! No mother and no family should ever feel alone when their child is sick and if a home-cooked meal can help that feeling of helplessness even a little bit, then here I come, apron and oven mitts donned!

So hold on to your taste buds Ronald McDonald House families! I make a mean turkey meatball!! I am so looking forward to my Home for Dinner night with two of the other Local4Local4Local team members and then sitting down and enjoying dinner with the families and truly making this an experience that we will all remember and cherish!

Thank you once again to our fearless leader, the wonderful Kristi Hammond (@memoryandstory), and all the local Edmonton businesses, big and small, who are volunteering their time and efforts for this great project!

To find out more about Local4Local4Local please visit the new website, like the Facebook page and follow the twitter account. And to find out how you can get involved with the Ronald McDonald House here in Edmonton, please visit their website and follow them on Twitter too!

Natasha~

This post is part of the Summer Blog Challenge.

31 posts in 31 days.

Please take a moment and peruse the other participants entries as well!  Thank you!

Zita of Ignite Strategic Solutions Cliff of Peer Pressure Works Tammy of Tam I Am Peter of Crazy Wookie Cookies Shaun of Expedition of Truths Chad of The Daily Grind Vlad of Analog Coast Kim of Nature Baby Bloggings Liam of ln The Now Earl of My Name is Earl (J. Woods) Brad of Kick Me Out Soon

With great {word} power comes great responsibilities!

Here is the thing about blogging. It is kind of like journaling. In the sense that I can get my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen and once they are there, then I often feel purged or elated or better about a situation, or a thought or a topic or even myself.

But unlike journaling a blog is public. Once you hit that publish button, it is OUT THERE. For all who want to to read, comment, criticize and judge. So there exists some editing that must be done, in blogging and in life.

And right now I am having a major dilemma about both. I need to get something off my chest. It had been kept inside for over a month and is starting to fester and all I want to do is blog about it! I usually don't operate like this. If something (or someone) pisses me off, upsets me, or otherwise confuses me I usually just express my feelings, get it out of me, deal with it and then move on. In my mind, this is a healthy way of dealing with problems and conflict of any kind. I fully admit that it doesn't always guarantee a happy outcome for everyone, but at least it is honest.

If you haven't figured it out already, I am a passionate person. I have strong opinions and I am not afraid to voice them. I have been accused at times of having no filter and I can not deny this. I prefer to wear my heart on my sleeve, skip the mind games and basically function on a 'what you see {and hear} is what you get' kind of principle.

For the most part this works for me. I make no excuses for who I am, because as you know, I AM the conductor of my own Awesome Train!

But every now and then something happens, either professionally or personally and I am forced to hold back and keep things bottled up. I am forced to focus more on the greater good for all involved, versus my own need to express myself, my opinions or my need to be right.

I blame it all on my birth order. I am the oldest of four and grew up with a working single mother. I was put in charge a lot as a kid and so yeah, I am bossy and overbearing and opinionated and often think that I know best. And what I have learned {again} this past month, is that this attitude does not always work to my advantage.

So what is a big bossy-boo to do about all this?

LEARN and GROW.

Learn more about myself, and about how I respond to situations and people. I need to be more aware of my words, my actions and my oh, so bad poker face of expressions! Words are powerful. And heck, I should really know this. I type a whole lot of them on a weekly basis hoping that they will be powerful enough to affect people.

I am NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. {Warning: DO NOT forward this to my husband-I will hunt you down!!} I do not always say the right thing or express myself appropriately in situations. And I know that this can alienate some people and make them feel uncomfortable. My growth is in learning to listen better, to really hear what is being said to me (and what is not being said at the same time) and THEN to react and discuss. I am often a react first and think later kind of gal and this is the scenario that often gets me into trouble.

I also need to learn to let things go. Let go of situations and circumstances that are beyond my control or my power to comprehend. Constantly focusing on them and going round and round and round with them in my head is just going to drive me bat-shit crazy and suck away all my energy. And in my life, with a husband and children who need me more now than ever, and a business to run and a new house to build, I need to preserve and focus all of my energy into positive and productive channels.

So here is to listening, learning and letting go......

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...{deeeeeeep breath} ....man that felt good to finally write down.

Good night all,

Natasha~

My daughter is a pretty smart Princess!

My 2.5 year old daughter is cute. Heck, she is down right beautiful actually. (She has that asian-caucasian mixology thing going on). And on a daily basis I am pretty sure I tell her how beautiful she is. But hold up....

She is also incredibly funny (ask her about her knock, knock joke!), intelligent, curious, and has the most amazing imagination of any two-year old I know. I am talking imaginary baby dragon friends and different voices for all the members in her doll house family. She also sat down at the (very rarely used) piano the other day, put both her hands up on it just like a pro and started to 'play'. And I don't mean the usual toddler bang on the keys play the piano, she actually played individual notes and it did not sound bad. She has a very artistic side to her that is just begging to be nurtured!

And in my mind all of these things add up and make her even more beautiful. Yes, I am her mother, so that bias does exist, but still, she is pretty darn incredible.

So when I read Lisa Bloom's article in The Huffington Post on 'How to talk to Little Girls', I was all over it. I have a daughter and I am somewhat of a feminist and damn straight you should talk to girls about their minds over their appearance!! I posted it all over Twitter and on my Facebook page and I am pretty sure that everyone who has a daughter re-tweeted and re-posted it too.

And then I started thinking about it a bit more....

It is really so bad to tell girls that they are beautiful?

Here's the thing. I never thought I would have a girl. Don't ask me why, I just thought I would have boys and was convinced for both my pregnancies that they were boys (I was right the first time!). And then L came along and with her, my life's ULTIMATE karmic twist.

At first I rejected all things girly.  I believe one of my first status updates on Facebook the first week that she was born was "I HATE PINK!"  I made an extra effort to find her clothes that were feminine, but NOT pink. She wore a lot of her older brother's hand-me-down baby sleepers and baby clothes and that was just fine with me.

I can pretty much pin-point the exact moment when L realized that she had her own sense of style and the days of me choosing her outfits were drawing near. That moment was the day of her first haircut. It was a tough milestone for me (as you can see from the picture!) and the (re) birth of Princess L.

EVERYONE complimented her on her new haircut, how cute she looked, how pretty she was and she just soaked it all in! And really, she did look adorable! It was right around this time as well, that she finally wanted and would let me put barrettes or clips in her hair. She called them her 'pretties' and the word has stuck and 'a pretty' is now the name for all hair accessories in our house.

At times I worry about this. I worry that she will associate having to wear something or have something in her hair to look pretty and then this will further translate to her feeling pretty. But then I realize that she is two years old and the clip or headband or whatever is in her hair for a grand total of about 20 minutes and then usually completely forgotten about as she goes about her day playing with her brother, reading her books, or creating more funny voices for all her little toys.

So what is my point with all of this? Do I agree with Ms. Bloom and her "don't talk to girls about their looks" stance? Granted, I have not yet read her book (it is ordered and on its way), but here are my thoughts on the whole argument.

I think that establishing a sense of self-esteem can not be done in a box. It really is about the whole child, male or female, and involves helping them to know themselves, have a strong sense of self-worth and know that they are valued and loved for their own uniqueness. And I believe that part of that includes how they look.

Lisa says in the article that "...teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything....", but what she fails to say is that a person's appearance really IS the first thing you notice about someone. Maybe the fine art of accepting a true compliment from someone, is something that girls (of all ages) are lacking these days. Perhaps we need to work more on teaching them to say a polite and sincere thank you and then move on to more interesting topics like books or traveling or art or animals or whatever it is that they are passionate about! We need them to know that how they look is NOT the most important thing about them, but at the same time, I do think that it is unrealistic to not acknowledge it at all.

My daughter LOVES to dress up in her princess dresses. She has a trunk full of them in her room. She thinks she looks 'bootiful' in them, and frankly, she kinda does. And if I am wearing a dress that day, then I too am a 'bootiful' mommy (and yeah, it makes me feel good when she says it to me). And I am good with that because often we are taking our 'bootiful' selves out to the museum, or the park, or the grocery store or the library and really, who doesn't want to dress up like a princess some days AND go out and do all kinds of other cool things that enrich our minds too!!

I am pretty sure I am not going to stop telling my daughter how beautiful she is, and also how smart, how talented and how funny she is too!

Perhaps the solution is for all of us to truly redefine what beautiful really means....

...and teach this to our girls (and our boys too)!

What do you think?

Natasha~

United States of Natasha

I am not gonna lie. It has been a rough week for me. Mentally, physically and emotionally.

The result. I am exhausted. And I really can not afford to be tired. Not for my kids, my husband or my business.

I have also had a terrible case of writers block. Hence the lack of activity here for the last week.

And I did not figure out what the deeper issue was going on with me until Tuesday night. (Thanks to the very insightful help of a good friend and mentor).

Last week something happened that made me question who I am and how people see me and I did not realize how profoundly it affected me until now.

Here is a little recap for you.

The kids and I were having a play-date with our very good friends and while the kids where off playing, we moms where chatting and the conversation moved to my blog. I was very excited that day, because THIS wonderful guest post about milk-sharing was getting some amazing responses on my blog and I wanted to share my good news with my friend and her sister. Unfortunately, not only did they not share my excitement, both of them were actually rather put off by the whole concept of milk-sharing and wet-nursing. I tried to talk to them more about it and was met with a lot of resistance and then I realized it.....

...I had crossed the line.

The fine line that separates the Lipstick me from the Crunchy me. The line that makes me relatable to the masses, yet still able to be "crunchy" and natural in my parenting and lifestyle decisions. So, my alter came out and changed the subject and we carried on with our play date.

I was upset about the whole incident and tried not to let it affect the rest of our visit, but I left still feeling something that I could not quite  identify. At dinner that night I tried to talk to Natural Urban Dad about the day and what was said and how I was feeling and he too, jumped on the milk-sharing part and told me that although he understands why it is done and why I have wet-nursed not one, but two babies that are not my own, for some reason, it still has an 'ick' factor for him (insert eye roll and me saying, "Ugh, men!" here).

This is the thing about Natural Urban Dad. He is a good, good man and has come a long way as a parent. He has supported me and the decisions that I (we) have made for what is best for our kids. He was an easy convert to cloth diapers when he realized how much less of a mess they are, he supported our safe co-sleeping arrangements for both kids, he has been very good about breastfeeding and how long I have decided to continue to do so and he is one hot babywearing daddy!

But he worries. It's his thing, he is a worrier. And in this situation, he worries that on the spectrum of parenting, I am going to be seen as too far on one side versus the other and in being seen as such, I will start to alienate the very people who I want to influence, educate and advocate for. And really, you just gotta love a man who is worried about how popular you are in your proverbial sandbox!

I am proud of who I am. In my little sandbox and out of it. I love that I can live an urban lifestyle with all the fixin's and still do things that are good for the earth and my children's future on it! I am a staunch advocate for natural parenting and I feel that I bring these values to my business as well as my personal life.

And that is the joy (and perhaps the conundrum) that is being a Lipstick Crunchy Mama. I think what happened this past week is that I truly had to look beneath the surface of this self-imposed label and face up to and figure out what it really means to BE Lipstick Crunchy.

This is what I have so far:

• I am pro-choice, for ALL things. I qualify these choices with information and education. I want mamas and families to know ALL the facts (the good and the bad) before they make their decisions about birth, breastfeeding, formula-feeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, circumcision, co-sleeping, discipline, school and the list goes on and on and on....
• I am NOT about forcing people to do things my way. I am about showing them that "my way" may just make this incredible journey of parenthood a whole lot easier in the short and long run! (Babywearing is the best example here!)
• I am pro-woman. This doesn't mean I am a raging feminist, nor does not mean that I am an apron-wearing perfect little housewife either. It means that if I feel that girls or women or moms are being discriminated against for ANY reason, I will advocate for all of us and fight for change.
• I am pro self-esteem. Yeah, I know,who would really be anti self-esteem? But in our world of unreality TV, unreality magazine covers, and unrealistic expectations everywhere, having a healthy view of ourselves, a sense of self-worth, a positive outlook on life and realistic goals can be a challenge. I am here to be an example. To show women and moms that being the authentic you is totally amazing and if you live it, accept it and LOVE IT, then all you gotta do is hop aboard the awesome train with me!
• I am pro Mother Earth. She is the ultimate Mama and we need to treat her with the love and respect that she deserves. I will always choose more organic, sustainable, eco-conscious, carbon footprint-eliminating steps, products and practices so that I can to honor Her properly. Not just for me, but for my kids, my grand-kids and all the future generations to come.
• I am pro-child. We grow these little human beings in our bodies for 9+ months, birth them into this world and then spend a lifetime trying our darndest not to wreck them. I believe my kids are their own people, and I am here to guide, nurture, comfort and teach them on their paths to discovery and the aforementioned self-esteem! Respect for self, for others, for elders and for the earth are topics that we discuss a lot in our house.

I feel better today. I feel like I have done some good soul-searching this past week and understand myself and what I want both personally and professionally a bit better. I am always a work in progress, as I believe we all are. I do have my faults and I know that I can not please everyone, all of the time.

I am neither Lipstick, nor am I Crunchy. I am not on a spectrum. I do not transition from one side to the other. I am a full on whole different entity and I am an integrated personality. I am a United State of Natasha!

I am Lipstick Crunchy. I am a Natural Urban Mama.

And I am the conductor of my very own AWESOME TRAIN!!

ALL ABOARD!!

Natasha~

I am having a glass of wine DAMN IT!

Mamas, hands up if you have any kind of guilty mommy feelings throughout your days? Yup, that is what I thought. I did a little unofficial poll last week after a chat on twitter about a mama wanting to have a glass of wine and feeling guilty about it because she is also breastfeeding. The results are in, and "Mommy Guilt" is rampant and it looks like we may have an epidemic going on!

And it is about EVERYTHING!

Here are a few examples from my polling:

To much KD for dinner/lunch (this particular one was mentioned a lot??).

Not being a stay-at-home mom.

BEING a SAHM, but not wanting to play princess for the 500th time.

Too much TV (this is a big one too it seems).

Not being present in the moment with the kids all the time.

Not spending enough time with Kid 1 when Kid 2 comes along.

C0-sleeping (??).

Not finding time to clean the house.

Neglecting the fur-baby.

Spending time with friends away from the family.

Spending too much time on the computer/laptop/iPad/etc...

Yelling at the kids.

...and the list goes on and on and on.

Why do we put such pressure on ourselves? And who are we trying to impress? Last time I checked there was no Gold medal for being the perfect mother.

And even if there was, who defines the criteria for this coveted award? Who is it that is setting these ridiculous expectations?

Often it is ourselves. We think that we have to DO everything and BE everything to everyone because we are the mom. The reality is, that this is just not the case.

So the kids ate Kraft Dinner two times this week, it is still FOOD and they did eat ALL of it right? In my books, that is a win.

Do I really want to watch Toy Story 3 AGAIN or do the same puzzle for the 17th time today? Probably not and that is OK, because I am not a toddler trying to learn a new skill or a preschooler trying to figure out a storyline. I am NOT going to feel guilty about being a grown-up (and I am probably still going to do those things).

My kids watch TV. I monitor the programs and choose the ones that I think offer them the most educational value (I prefer PBS Kids to Treehouse and I will take Sid the Science Kid over a screaming Dora any day!!). The television is not a 'babysitter' for my kids anymore than it is for me. It is a form of entertainment and education and I would feel more like a hypocrite than anything else, if I told them they could not watch TV and then proceeded to plunk myself on the couch for hours at a time to watch "my shows"!

Guilt about having a glass of wine because you are also breastfeeding? Breastfeeding does not exclude FUN! And if you have had a hard day and need a glass of wine or a beer than GO FOR IT! Alcohol is metabolized in your breast milk exactly as it is in your blood and this is what Dr. Jack Newman himself has to say about it,

Reasonable alcohol intake should not be discouraged at all. As is the case with most drugs, very little alcohol comes out in the milk. The mother can take some alcohol and continue breastfeeding as she normally does. Prohibiting alcohol is another way we make life unnecessarily restrictive for nursing mothers. (Dr. Jack Newman, member of the LLLI Health Advisory Council, excerpt from his handout “More Breastfeeding Myths”)

Feeling guilty about working full-time? Why? You are providing for your family. This is an act of love and you should feel proud of what you are doing. Especially if it is a job and career that you worked hard for and really love!

Going out with your friends and taking some time for you? Really? This one should be the least of your guilty feelings.

You know the saying "Happy Wife, Happy Life"? Well, I have a new one....

Happy Mama, NO MORE Drama!!

Really. Think about it.

A Mama who knows when she needs to take time for herself, whether that is shoe shopping at the mall BY HERSELF or going to get her hair done, or sweating out all her stresses in a Bikram Yoga Class (that one is me BTW), or going for a run, or having a weekly girls night out, or doing WHATEVER it is that makes her happy, is a Mama who is likely to feel good about herself. A Mama who feels good about herself is not going to constantly focus on what she (thinks she) is doing wrong all the time and will be one who can say NO to all that guilt and drama. Hence Happy Mama, No More Drama!!

Now if you will excuse me, I have a glass of wine waiting to make me happy! ;)  I suggest you too find your proverbial 'happy place' and make regular visits to it and let go of your mommy guilt!!

Natasha~

What a Mama WANTS versus What a Mama NEEDS

Motherhood. It is a time of great joy and happiness and wonder. And also a time of great sacrifice. A time when you really discover what your body and mind can endure and what you really need in your life. I thought about this throughout my day yesterday and came up with my list of What Mama Wants versus What Mama Needs.

Mama wants to be able to sleep past 5:30 AM, but Mama needs only about 5 hours of actual sleep to have basic human function throughout the day.

Mama wants a full-time housekeeper, but Mama needs to just be happy that the dog eats all food dropped on the floor and that the clothes is at least clean, if not folded and put away.

Mama wants her kids to "Eat a Rainbow" of fresh, healthy food everyday, but Mama needs to be OK with some of the lesser known rainbow colors too sometimes (chocolate, Kraft Dinner fluorescent orange and Spiderman "Fruit" snack Black)!

Mama wants her children to explore their artistic sides and do crafts all day long, but Mama needs to realize that SHE is not crafty at all and watching Mister Maker do it is just as good, right?

Mama wants 3 hours of uninterrupted work time each and every day, but Mama needs to figure out how to squeeze it all into 15 minute power sessions between meals, school, activity classes and naps!

Mama wants an overnight Date Night once a week (so does Dad), but having a standing weekly reservation at a local hotel might make Mama look like she has a different kind of 'job'. (Hmmm, this one might just be a NEED too, maybe just once a month though!)

Mama wants to shop for herself and by herself, but Mama needs to accept that she has 2 miniature stylists that must accompany her and who seem to have some pretty strong opinions about what she should and should not wear.

Mama wants to have a long hot shower EVERY DAY, but Mama needs one a minimum of 3 times a week and for some reason always has to have an audience!

Mama wants a perfect family, but what Mama needs is the one that she has. With all the crazy, sleeplessness, "I need more hours in a day" and THIS is the way we do it around here and it works for us, that goes along with it!!

Needs are the basics, the essentials that we can not live without. And what I have realized is that my basic needs as a mother are met each and every day when my son looks me in the eyes and tells me "I love you so much Mommy." and my daughter wakes up at night and says, "Mommy, I NEED you!".

Children have this incredible power, the power to show us what we really NEED in our lives and surprise, surprise it is often not what we thought we WANTED in the first place!!

I NEED these two!

Photo credit: magda kirkwood photography

Natasha~